Greetings from J-List March 28, 2003

Hello again from all your friends in Japan!

I've lived in Japan for twelve years now, and I've had some really fun times. Japan is famous for having vending machines selling just about anything you can think of, from fresh eggs to rice to underwear, and there are more vending machines here per capita than any other country -- one for every 23 people. Beer vending machines that sell beer and other alcoholic drinks until 10 pm are quite common, too, and I've made use of these from time to time in the past. Back in my days as a single gaijin, you could probably find me hanging out with friends in front of the Sapporo Black Label vending machine near Maebashi Station, enjoying a cold one and having conversations with whoever walked by on their way to the station. It was a Good Time in an almost Hemmingway-esque sort of way. Now that I live in a liquor store (the first floor of our house is a liquor store, which my wife's parents run), I'm afraid I don't get out to the old vending machine much.

America may lead the world in military technology, but Japan clearly has an advantage when it comes to vacuum cleaners. Since Japanese houses are smaller than those in the U.S., the vacuum cleaners are much smaller, too, which makes them easier for Japanese to use. Since consumers are buying up "minus ion" (negative ion) products these days, most vacuums advertise this as a feature -- improve your well-being just by vacuuming your floor. Other vacuums have somehow managed to eliminate the exhaust that comes out of the back of the unit altogether, don't ask me how. Cordless vacuums are popular with young housewives who want to clean the entire house without worrying about where the plug is. But our favorite feature are bagless vacuum cleaners that put all the dirt from your floor into a plastic cup that you can easily empty. It gives us a good feeling to see all the dirt that we're removing from our house when we clean. We like this kind of vacuum cleaner so much we brought one to my mother for Christmas last year.

A joke that's currently making the rounds among elementary school kids in Japan: if Doraemon and Barutan-seijin (Alien Baltan, the crab-like alien from the 1960's Ultraman TV series) were to fight, which one would win? Doraemon, of course, because his hands are balled up into fists (e.g. rock) but Alien Balta's hands look like scissors, thus Doraemon would win every game of Rock, Paper, Scissors they played.

Most gaijin who are interested in Japan come to love the kanji character set, the way it blends complexity and beauty to communicate meaning. For fans of the aesthetic look of Chinese characters, we're starting a new service for you: you can get any message or slogan written on a traditional Japanese "shikishi" writing board, penned by our own Daisuke, who holds a 2-dan level in Japanese calligraphy, the equivalent to a Black Belt.

We've updated the descriptions and added new pictures of the Canon Wordtanks, to better help students of Japanese in making a buying decision. We'd missed a few of the features, like the display quality and cool scrolling features on the two higher-end models, but have added them for you now now. We've also done a "quick and dirty" translation of manual for the low-cost IDC-300, for people who want to take advantage of this bargain unit (which is now just $100) but need help with its operation. You can download all the Wordtank manuals in Adobe PDF format from our site, too.

For the new update, we've got some excellent products from Japan for you. They include:

• First, in a special rare treat from Japan, Disney has released one of our favorite animated movies on DVD -- Sleeping Beauty, available now in a wonderful 2-disc release, sold only in Japan! If you've got a region free DVD player, you can enjoy this fantastic film (region 2)
  
• For fans of cool Japanese toys and other rare items from Japan, see the really cool figures of the famous faces of Japan's Meiji Restoration -- talk about cool!
  
• If you love Japanese idols and Race Queens, be sure and catch the lovely Cool Girls, which features many great Race Queens inside, including Taiwanese bombshell Yinling
  
• Also, for fans of incredibly pretty Japanese girls, see Real Blue, a photo tribute to Asuza Yamamoto
  
• We've got a great update for our snack fans, with green tea chocolate snacks, delicious limited edition March of the Koalas (the food loved by Crayon Shinchan), tasty spring Kit Kat, and banana Hi-Chew
  
• Also, delicious gummi treats and collectible cards from Meiji's cute Angel Blue character line
  
• Another cool item from Japan, we've got more funny erasers, this time shaped like traditional Japanese sweets
  
• For fans of Sailor Moon, several cool items including a great new card series in stock, a positively fantastic cold cast anime statue of Sailor Saturn, and fresh stock of the Sailor Moon Musical 10th anniversary DVD
  
• Totoro fans will flip over a cool pack of Totoro playing cards, which feature superb illustrations by Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki
  
• Also, Morning Musume fans have a second chance to pick up Mo-Musu playing cards before we sell out again
  
• If you're a Godzilla fan, we've got more of the cool Godzilla Movie Poster History Magnets, which feature the posters of all the Godzilla film of the past and present -- so cool!
  
• We've got fresh stock of several popular DVDs, including Yuko Ogura's cute and sexy Endless Summer, and the wacky Vermilion Night, avant-garde Japanese late-night TV available to you
  
• For fans of really cool traditional items from Japan, we've got some "lucky frog" phone strap/keychains in stock for you
  
• If you love Japanese Hot Wheels or Speed Racer, we've restocked the cool Hot Wheels Mach 5, sold only in Japan
  
• For students of Japanese (or of any other language), we've restocked the excellent vocabulary study books from Campus -- very Japanese and very cool
  
• Finally see a nifty sandwich box with cup, a cute way to sweep up spills, more funny signs in Japanese, some unique bath salt for your bath, cool chopsticks from Japan, and more!!
  

For our adult customers, we've got many new 18+ products. They include:

• For fans of beautiful adult video actresses from Japan, we've got the super new issues of Best Video and Video Boy, both of which are great for seeing a huge swath of top-name actresses and lots of glossy nude photos
  
• For fans of amateurs, we've got a great "Peach Ass Girl" magazine in stock featuring many lovely girls inside
  
• Enjoy great hardcover nude photobooks like the new offering by the incredibly sexy Natsuki Abe, and a beautiful photobook capturing the loveliness of Sally Yoshino
  
• For leg fetish fans, we've got a great photobook featuring super sexy girls in colored tights, a great fetish item
  
• We've got more excellent manga posted for fans of Japan's culture of erotic art -- we especially liked the erotic O-Rouge from Angel Comics for its incredibly good artwork
  
• Yasu has also posted a major restocking of some great hentai manga works, including Nami SOS, Pururun Princess, and more
  
• For yaoi fans, a great new "extreme yaoi" work collecting the artwork of many talented artists -- get it before it sells out
  
• For fans of our hugely popular Hello Kitty vibrators (which are unfortunately out of production forever), we've got another wacky item for you -- a waterproof personal massager that you can use safely in the bath or shower
  
• For our DVD collecting fans, we've got another huge selection of great works for you, starting with the new Mejiri ("Ass of Woman") series release from Alice Japan, featuring the incredibly lovely Ryoko Mitake taking on her first anal performance ever (region free)
  
• From Soft on Demand, a superb Sayaka Tsutsumi Memorial featuring her best works, on the eve of her retirement from adult films (region free)
  
• We love Akira Watase for her silky, sexy style, and now you can see her best works in a new Remix DVD release (region free)
  
• The lovely Juri Matsuzaka is trying out her first bukkake performance ever, and she really puts her all into it for her fans (region free)
  
• From Queer and U&K, another excellent lesbian offering for serious fans of this Japanese fetish (region free)
  
• From Idea Pocket, another great 2-DVD release featuring 20 stars and 180 minutes of great works from some of the most beautiful gals of 90's AV, including many girls who are retired now (region 2)
  
• Finally, look for great restocked DVD titles including Ran Asakawa's "Queen & Slave," Sora Aoi's "Happy Go Lucky," International Lesbian, and more!
  

The J-Mate site has been updated again, with new reviews of great product that you can find at J-List, including the Stairway to Heaven, Highway to Hell lesbian DVD and and I.K.U. Stop by and read interviews with real Japanese AV actresses in English. The URL is http://www.jmate.com/

Remember that J-List's famous Japanese T-shirts, with bizarre messages like "Dirty American Devil" and "I'm proud of my sexual power," are in stock and available for immediate shipping from our San Diego warehouse. All shirts are printed in the U.S. and all are full American sizes. If you're unsure what size you are, note that you can easily check the sizes of our shirts in inches or centimeters -- just look for the "Shirt size" link below each shirt. This is great for our customers outside the U.S. who may not be sure what their size is in U.S. sizes. If you buy 3 or more of these cool shirts, you get an automatic 10% off through the shopping cart, too.
--
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J-LIST http://www.jlist.com
You've got a friend in Japan at J-List.

Funny Engrish quotes from my Japanese students

My Japan Experience: Interesting Quotes from Japan

 

Hi, my name is Peter, and I've lived in Japan for many years, teaching ESL (English as a Second Language) for most of those years, although I now run J-List, a site that sells a wide variety of Japanese pop culture goods. If you're interested in Japan, please stop by!

I've had some excellent interesting students over the years, teaching some really special people. Some of them were extremely expressive, overcoming the rules of English grammer and insufficient knowledge of English vocabulary to describe really advanced ideas. On the other hand, some of the stuff they wrote made really great reading. Throughout my life as an English teacher, I had a silly habit of recording for posterity (?) everything witty my students wrote in their diaries, essays and other assignments.

So, I present the "best of Peter's students," coupled with, at no extra cost, a few "best of things Peter has heard," which I have recorded for you.

These students attended ALEX Foreign Language School, a two-year school which strove to teach students English, and make them hireable in English-related fields, including stewardess. In reality, ALEX was a "suberi-dome" ("stop the downward slide") school, designed to "catch" students who weren't smart enough to get into real universities or junior colleges. It was a nice place, though, and we had some super students. On May 31, 1999, ALEX finally went out of business due to lack of demand for an English school in Gunma, as well as lots of debt.

 

 

When I first visited in America, I was surprised the wife of America. Everything in America interested me. For example, wide road, houses, beautiful ocean, American people, etc. In Oregon, we could see the beautiful nature. The first day in Oregon we had lunch at the University of Oregon. Lunch was good. But something was strange. The something is sushi. In Japan, there are vegetables and tuna in sushi. But this sushi had avacado and tofu inside. But American foods is good and things is very cheap.

Ayako

 

I'm good at speaking Engish compared to when I was in high school. If I study English hard, I can learn more. So I'll study hard this year. I think ALEX is different from another school. But some students are absent from school and late for school. ALEX students have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Ayako

 

American people don't care about things. For example, they drive broken car. My host family ride a car which has no side mirror. I surprised. Why they don't fix it?

Yuko

 

American people eat sweet food, especially ice cream. They eat dinner, and they are full, but after that they eat ice cream with chocolate too. I can't believe their appetite and their big stomachs.

Yuko

 

Blessed with an abundance of water and greenery, "Maebashi, the city certainly due to the blessings of our tradition of water, greenery and poerty" has given birth and sustinance to a graphical conditions. As a nuclear city in the North Kanto Region, the goal of the 290,000 citizens of Maebashi to rediscover their own city as a "Comprehensive plan for economics and culture for Gunma prefecture." This development is Charm and Activity.

official city pamphlet

 

Before I entered this school, I talked English with my friend. But we didn't speak well. After I entered ALEX, I met Peter. I thought from now on I'll use English. I'm glad to meet to everybody. I think the bad point is myself. I should speak more.

Chiho

 

My first impression of America was very vast country. I went to America last year. And, I went famous places. For example, Los Angeles and Oregon and San Francisco, Disneyland, Universal Studio, etc. July 4th is the day when Americans gives independance, and I went to Oregon College. Oregon was my favorite'

Kazunori

 

When I was a child, I was very fat. I was said "debu*" every day.

Shizue
* "fatso" in Japanese

 

I used to have great respect for women until I came to Japan.

Irish friend Declan

 

When two people agree to an international marriage, they should live in wife's country. This way all will be more easy.

Misako

 

If I could go back in time, I would go to America in 1945 and stop the nuclear bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Many people died and suffered from the A-bomb disease. It was both countries' faults, but Americans shouldn't hurt ordinary people.

Yuko

 

"Men are like chocolates, you just bite them, suck out the cream filling, and then throw them away. The world sees me as a love goddess, but I've never been in love."

the real message printed on the T-shirt of a student of mine, Kazumi Saito

 

America's road is wide, and fares of taxi, bus, airplane etc. are cheap. But America is dangerous. Because U.S. popularize weapons and drugs. But I don't go dangerous place, like slums. I can almost avoid from danger.

Noriko

 

Hell, if it wasn't for the chicks, I would have left Japan years ago, and you can quote me.

friend Chris

 

I like Edward's [Edward Scizorhands] character (his cute behavior). He is very poor. Because his hands are scissors, he injure his dear person. He is a kind person. I wish he gave human hands.

Keiko

 

Interracial marriages are good for all countries. If we mix various faces, it's good, because racial discrimination will be gone. And war may be gone. Tradition of the country is important. But peace is more important.

Sayuri

 

When I went to America I was surprised at there because there is very broad and I surprised by cost. It's very cheap. But steak isn't good taste, and most of sweet food is too sweet. I went to Los Angeles. I'm afraid of there somewhat. I like America.

Keiko

 

When I arrived at San Francisco airport, I surprised there are many Americans around here. I thought American people had a large mind, warm heart and were very kind. But American was fatter than Japanese.

Mieko-chan

 

One day I saw many people around my house. Under the pale moon, we started fighting. Then suddenly, God came, I said "What the fack?" and he said to us, "Hi guys, stop fighting!" We said "FUCK YOU." All of us were killed in a moment.

Koji's story

 

The best moment in my life? When I was a high school student, I was happy. I joined brassband club and was staff (manager) in soft tennis club. There was my boyfriend in soft club. My parents and I hated each other at that time, but I had a very good time. I didn't regret. I want to go back to that time.

Mieko

 

Am I happy with my life? I think I am happy. I can eat a lot of foods every day. Of course I'm satisfied with everything. I want to have much more money, parents who are younger now, much better boyfriend, etc. But it's my selfishness in the end. People who have no dissatisfaction isn't exist.

Megumi

 

I entered ALEX last Spring. At first, I couldn't say my thoughts or things. But now I am used to class. I started speaking English in class more than more. One of the good memories was going to America. Now one year has passed since I came to ALEX. I will do my best in next year.

Mika

 

Sometimes the only thing between you and the abyss is the goodwill of your friends.

friend Max (not Japanese)

 

American porn has bad background music, Japanese porn dosen't. I think we could tell a lot about the difference between the two cultures if we could figure out what that means.

friend Max (again)

 

Not many people go to Antarctica yet because it is under penguin rule.

Hannah

 

"Anyone who plays AD&D and has not read their Tolkien (but has the gall to be full of praise for the DRAGONLANCE novels) should be hung from their toes and fed Ex-Lax."

--from PARACHUTE LIMIT #3, a "zine" some friends and I wrote some years ago called Parachute Limit, before there was such thing as an Internet for us to get attention from.

You can't remember sex. You can remember the fact of it, and recall the setting, and even the details, but the sex of the sex cannot be remembered, the substantive truth of it, it is by nature self-erasing, you can remember its anatomy and be left with a judgment as to the degree of your liking of it, but whatever it is as a splurge of being, there is no memory of it in the brain, only the deduction that it happened and that time passed, leaving you with a silhouette that you want to fill in again.

E. L. Doctorow (b. 1931), U.S. novelist (not Japanese either)

 

I enjoy my life. I have family and many friends, kimono, my own car, and Run. Run is a dog. My grandparents give me many moneys with I had my twenty birthday. I went America for three weeks. I was very enjoyed.

Tomomi

 

 

In SAFEWAY, many kinds of corn flakes about one hundred have overpowered me. I felt a difference of the staple foods. Then Terry (host family's woman) had a Coke of L size. I was really astounded by tremendous size.

Yuko

 

I think Roman Holiday is a sad movie a little, but it is pure and a nice love story, especially I like last scene that reporter and Princess exchange a firm handshake (just the moment!). I think they are poor at that scene but at the same time, they looks positive. I think her smile is really beautiful. Maybe they will not meet again but I think they didn't regret. Because this movie is simple and positive and pure, I like this.

Keiko

 

I can't speak English well, so I will have some problems. The best way to live in the U.S. easily, I think get married to rich handsome American. Then I can have enough money, big house and learn English. I will be life in the U.S. easily.

Sanae

 

I want to got to New York and see the Vampire State Building.

Sanae again

 

I think stereotypical American is tall and has blonde hair, carved face. They lose their temper easily. Americans who live for a long time are bald, and their stomachs stick out.

Kaori

 

I can't stand it when someone smorks in my face.

Yumiko

 

I think the best part of the U.S.A. is, they have a high regard for individuality. So American children can display their personality. Japanese teachers always want children to be the same. But America is more free. They don't have school uniforms and strict, strange rules.

Tomoko

 

When I was in high school, my favorite subject was English because my English teacher was a young, beautiful, tasty hot woman, that's why.

Tomo

 

I think Americans, especially politicians, think that Japanese are yellow rich monkeys and not kind people. Country is rich but people are not rich. I don't want them to think that. I think Japan is hated by other country.

Sanae

 

I think the greatest Japanese who ever lived was Ultraman. When I was a child, I watched him every day. He was a hero to me. Whenever there was a dinosaur, Ultraman killed him for the world.

Koji

 

What was good about this year? I had funny friend, I had selfish friend, I had nice friend, etc. So I had really good time for a year. Especially when I went to America, I had happy memories.

Keiko

 

Women don't have the ability on average. If someone say to woman, "bring the desk," women can't bring it. But in family, women have to be more aggressive. Because weak mother will spoil children.

Yoshinori

 

Men think women are weak, but I think sometimes men are weak. This has nothing to do with woman and man. We should live to be happy, and live to not regret. I think it's ideal if women are weak and men are aggressive.

Mieko

 

QUESTION: Why do white boys go after yellow girls?
ANSWER: Because all the white girls are going after black guys.

Wisdom of some English teacher, told to me while drinking

So you want to teach English in Japan?

Okay, here we go with

Peter's Generic Information
on Teaching in Japan

Wherein the author give some slightly cynical
information for would-be ESL teachers in Japan

version 2.85
Updated Aug 2004

What's that? Out of college, but can't get a job? In a rut, and looking for a change? Wife just left you, and your life is in a shambles? Want to watch anime every day on TV for free? Well, my friend, why don't you come sell your native language in Japan?

Yes, you, too, can join the thousands of people who come to Japan to teach English as a Second Language (known to us teacher-types as "ESL"). All you (really) need is to speak English natively, have a University degree, and the earnest desire to do right by your Japanese hosts for the time you here.

Before starting J-List, I taught at various schools here in Japan, and I have found a great deal of fulfillment with my former career. I have met young, energetic Japanese with a real desire to learn about my home country of America, who remind me a lot of how I feel about Japan. I would recommend a short stint teaching in Japan (or in Asia in general) to anyone -- if they understand what they are getting themselves into and prepare themselves beforehand.

On the other hand, the golden age of ESL teaching is past. To paraphrase Princess Leia slightly, if money is all that you love, try for Saudi Arabia instead. Japan's birth rate is among the lowest in the industrialized world; there is actually a "famine" of students for schools that is only going to get worse; coupled with Japanese not spending money as they did in the age of the bubble economy and the increase in foreigners wanting to work over here, and you've got a formula for a competitive job market. The salaries are lower and the good jobs are harder to get than they have ever been. Since the first version of this document was put out on the Internet back in 1995, the economy has really taken a tumbling, and everything is more competitive than it was. Remember, too, that "taught English for three years in Japan" on your resume carries about as much weight in the eyes of a potential (non-teaching-related) employer as house-sitting. If you still want to try, I will tell you what I know.

The Jobs

The first group would have to be the eikaiwa [English conversation] chains: Geos, Aeon [pronounced Eon, trust me], Nova, and ECC. These schools recruit in North America frequently and will take anyone with a college degree who seems like they won't freak out at the first sign of toilets with no seat or squid on pizza. (You think I'm kidding about the squid, don't you?)

In the past, I've stated that I didn't like these English conversation school chains for various reasons, including, but not limited to, a) the lack of professional awareness of one's self as an educator, b) the lack of vacation time, and a potential high number of "on" hours (teaching up to seven hours of your workday, with only an hour for preparation), and c) overall, I think the chance that you'll have a bad "Japan Experience" is higher than at some other types of teaching jobs. Over time, I've come to reconsider some of my bad feelings about the schools. Sure, they are commodity operations, and if you work at one of them the manager of your school will do his best to fill your hours with productive (for him) teaching hours, and by and large, these schools do have a high teacher turnover rate. But still, the fact remains that Eikaiwa chain teaching jobs might be the only job available to you if you have no training, experience or connections; and working for a year at one of the chain schools is potentially a good way to get some experience while you learn about Japan. Expect to make around 260,000 yen per month, a little more in Tokyo; extras, such as airfare, apartment "key money" and a "completion of contract bonus" are occasionally available, too.

If you scratched your head at my yen quote above and said, "Hey, put that in dollars, man," I have to ask what you do know about Japan, and why you think you belong here in the first place. If you're going to have a problem with using kilometers and kilograms and expect everything to be easy for you, you might be better off staying home.

Ahem. Sorry, got carried away there.

A second choice are one of the many private English schools, or juku [cram] schools which also have eikaiwa as part of their teaching programs. I tend to recommend these types of schools because, based on my own experience, you will have a more personal experience with a group of people who (hopefully) treat English education as something that's important for Japan's future, and not just a financial thing. Salary should be comparable to the chain schools. There are good and bad eikaiwa schools out there, and some people who run such schools have no business taking a foreigners Japan Experience into their own hands. They either have a zillion misconceptions about foreigners, think they're spoiled pampered whiners (warning: they usually are), and generally don't have the patience to deal the problems you'll face. Be sure and check the Internet for resources -- I recommend Ohayo Sensei and this page for starters, but keep in mind that I stopped teaching in 1996 so I'm not up to speed on what' sout there.

A third choice, and a good one for many, is the JET [Japan English Teachers] program, which has been called an engine for income redistribution from Japan to the U.S., to make up for everything Japan did during the 80s (the guy who said that is even more cynical than me). There are two jobs in the JET program: AETs (Assistant English Teachers), who teach at either junior high or high schools (sometimes several different schools, a different one each day); and CIRs, Coordinators for International Relations, who act as a bridge of communication between the AETs and perform other valuable functions in Japanese city- and prefecture-level governments.

JET jobs pay the highest of the "sit around and jack off" English teaching jobs: 300,000 yen a month, usually with some kind of bonus at the end, and sometimes decent (5-weeks in summer, paid) vacation. I say sometimes because each JET school is different -- you can end up with a "Japanese and Americans should be treated the same, so you get no special treatment from me" hard ass who'll enforce your contract religiously, or maybe not. The maximum you can ride on the JET train is three years. If you think this the job for you, bear in mind you will likely be reading out of a textbook for forty-five bored thirteen-year-olds who don't give a damn about you for 15-20 hours a week and being bored the other 20 (or, like me, roaming the Internet off-line, if you have a Powerbook). Personally, I think you can find more stimulating ways to spend time in Japan.

CIRs, who aren't teachers but program facilitators, must have a minimum of two years of Japanese study, preferably three. CIRs get 20 days off per year, plus holidays. You work in a Japanese-style office, wear a tie, speak Japanese all day and will perform valuable services for people. You avoid the "taught English" label at the top of your resume, and will be somewhat respected for your position by others -- you are, after all, an important bridge between your local city government and the foreign community. Needless to say, this is the job you should consider if you have a deeper interest in Japan and its language. It's more work with the same pay as AETs, but you will thrive in a massively interesting and challenging job, using Japanese and making your face wider (er, it's a Japanese expression that means that a lot of people will know your name). I had the honor of being a CIR for five months after the girl who had been here before me bugged out and left early, and it was a very interesting, enjoyable time for me.

Unless you happen to be over the recently-revised age limit of 40 (it used to be 30 back when I was teaching), JET is a good way to come here. The only people I would recommend against applying for it are persons especially interested in studying Japanese. There is a tendency for JET gaijins to make friends in their own groups, to feed negative feelings about Japan to each other, and to create a mini-society where they try to keep Japanese influence out as much as possible. Makes me want to slap them silly.

It has occurred to me that I haven't covered part-time teaching possibilities as well as I could have. For many people, part-time teaching is a great way to pick up extra income and have a variety of teaching experiences. Plusses are that you can potentially make more money than a full time job; minuses include the lack of any kind of visa sponsorship, and the potential for burn-out, as you have to teach more and more to make ends meet. You can find teaching jobs for 2500-4000 an hour, occasionally more.

The last two categories of teaching jobs-company and university/junior college jobs-are the ones I personally know the least about. If working thirty hours a week teaching English to engineers at Subaru or Daihatsu sounds appealing for you, give it a whirl: you'll probably learn a lot about auto chaises and aluminum alloys, but some of those guys are cool. University/Junior College jobs are the hands-down best you can hope for, but the requirements for these jobs are so stringent, and the competition so tough, as to be out of the scope of this article. I will state, however, that Japan is currently engaged in a dangerous game when it comes to universities. Despite the fact that the population of students is declining every year, more and more universities are being built, to the tune of 20 or so a year. This means that there might be opportunity for qualified foreigners wanting to work at universities in the short term; however there is likely to be a big academic crash on the horizon for Japan.

How to get the jobs

The hands-down best way to get a job in Japan is to know someone who can shoukai (introduce) you into a position. This is called kone (pronounced koh-NE, there is no silent 'e' in Japanese), or connections, and this is the way to find employment here. I got my first job by taking over a college friend's job when he was leaving Japan (to get away from his marriage-minded Japanese girlfriend). Ways you can hop on the kone train include coming to Japan to do homestay or having Japanese students come to your house, asking college professors for help, or finding out where your hometown's sister city is in Japan. My hometown of San Diego is sister cities with Yokohama, and there are many educational and work-exchange programs available between the two. (On three separate occasions, I've run into people I studied Japanese with at SDSU in Yokohama, which is a pretty major coincidence, if you consider the population of the city, and the fact that I don't live near there at all.)

Find a good library that stocks The Japan Times, and read through the Monday editions. They are just bursting with jobs, organized neatly into categories for "women only" and "men or women" and with age limits posted clearly, where applicable [flash! as of April 1999, you're not allowed to do this anymore...maybe they read this article...]. Know that any given ad posted in the Japan Times can get one hundred or so responses, and some of those are by PhDs and other massively overqualified (or at least overeducated) people. Some people can break themselves trying to get jobs this way, but it an option available to you.

For JET jobs, call your nearest Japanese Consulate or Embassy. The application period is from October to December, so plan ahead. See the Internet. Remember to search Google and read lots of information -- if you join a mailing list, be polite and lurk for a while before blurting out all your questions.

The last way to get a job is to just come here. Americans and Canadians automatically get a three-month tourist visa, so you can use that time to look for work. (Canadians and Australians/New Zealanders have one other option open to them, called Working Holiday. Look into it.) You'll have to leave the country again to get your working visa, but it's a great excuse to do some shopping in Korea and have some good Kimcheege.

A word about courtesy

I recently had a bad experience with the wife of a foreigner I knew, let's call her Valerie. She came to Japan with her husband, and asked me for advice on contracts in Japan. Now, in Japan, a contract is not viewed with the same strictness as it is in the U.S. In other words, even if you have a one-year contract with a company, you can still quit, and they can still fire you -- it's just the way it works here. I told her this, and unfortunately she took it a little too seriously. She signed one contract, then, finding a better job, told the first school she was not going to work there -- and incredibly, she told them that the reason was "because she'd gotten a better offer." (This caused myself and other "lifer" foreigners to groan, and mutter "fucking gaijin"). She then had to other contract-related problems with two other schools in close succession, quitting both jobs soon after starting them. She's now in Tokyo. Throughout all this, she was not wrong at all (to hear her tell it), and in fact, she was the victim of this thing or that which she didn't like about the schools (when you live in Japan long enough, you see that North Americans are somewhat quick to assume the role of victims -- this phenomenon is called higaisha mousou in Japanese, in case you want to know). Clearly, however, there were problems with her approach to and attitude about working in Japan.

Now, what this person did wrong was not breaking a contract, per se. What she did was cause meiwaku (inconvenience) to the Japanese people who put their trust in her, and this was very bad. She thought only of herself, and what she could "get" out of Japan, not what she could do for the schools or students she would be working with. One of the schools had even let their other teacher go to hire her, and was really put out. The view of all foreigners was hurt by this person, and we all felt embarrassed.

So my point is this: if there's a "golden rule" to living in Japan, it is that you should not inconvenience other people -- don't cause meiwaku. If you think that this idea makes sense to you, then please continue with your plans to live in Japan. If you have some kind of "Japan bombed Pearl Harbor, therefore I'm owed a good job by them" kind of attitude, please don't bother. Really.

On Higher Education

I get a lot of feedback from this page from people who want to work in Japan but haven't graduated from a four year university. The short answer is that in order to even get a working visa for Japan, you need to have graduated from a university. There are exceptions -- if you're married to a Japanese, you automatically get a marriage spousal visa, for example. However, I advise anyone who is serious about coming to Japan but who hasn't been to college to think long on hard about completing your education before you do anything. When I look back at my life, virtually everything good that I've been able to achieve was a direct result of having spent four very interesting years at SDSU. If you're a young person wondering how you can come to Japan some day, by all means plan on going to a challenging and interesting 4-year university first -- the rest will come to you easily then.

Last Advice

To work here for a year or two just to "soak up the country," a BA and some luck will get you by; but for anyone thinking seriously about ESL education as a longer-term thing, I recommend that you prepare yourself. To be competitive for the better teaching jobs, a Masters' in TESL (teaching ESL) is recommended; at the very least, take a year to get a "theory and practice of teaching ESL" certificate (which includes practice teaching) like I did, or a minor in linguistics, which I also did. It will definitely give you an edge, and getting that one job pays for the extra effort to get the certificate.

Be careful: I don't recommend anyone go get a Masters' in TESL unless you are serious about the field. Overqualification is a big problem in this line of work, and getting too qualified can hurt you more than it helps, amazing as it may seem. I have met PhD's who made less than me (I have a BA), and had a harder time finding jobs because of their advanced degree.

If you're serious about coming here, there are a zillion things you have to know ahead of time, such as key money (you have to pay up to six times your rent up front when you move in, unless your school will cover it for you), phone line ($600 to put in a phone line, but you can sell your 'bond' later for most of your money back), working visa stuff, and so on, and to be honest, I don't have time to tell everyone everything. See what books and/or online information sources are available to you, or ask people who are teaching now for help.

Japan is an easy place to live in that you will be safe, you will find friendly people, and you will probably be able to find work if you stick with it and have a good attitude and try to make yourself teacher-worthy, but there are some bad things, too. Many foreigners can't hack being in a strange environment, and leave after a year, especially women, who have to put up with more crap than some of us men (a friend of mine left after being groped in a train). If you have no experience living overseas, take special care when making plans to come here -- you will be in for many subtle shocks, such as beer vending machines, old men urinating out of doors, pillows with hard plastic things in them, Japanese stores closing in the middle of the week seemingly just to make you mad, and cynical 'lifer' gaijin like me who have little patience for teaching you how to hold chopsticks and explaining what 'daijobu' means, since you're going to be out of here in a year anyway.

That's my generic teaching info. Hope you can put it to good use.

Real Life with Karl Tate

Real Life by Karl Tate

Real Life by Karl Tate is an interesting comic strip that ran in a Louisiana State University student newspaper, the Daily Reville, way back in 1980-1982. It's a fairly amusing minor comic that was published in a book of cartoons around this time by the author. I found this book some years later, I think it would have been 1987, in a 99 cent bin at the San Diego Comicon.

The comics were great, with some real gems -- my favorite being the interview with Captain Kirk from Star Trek II. It's a slice of life from the early 80's, when games like Pac Man, Asteroids and Defender occupied the minds of young people like the web does today, the Macintosh did not exist yet, when Star Wars was still king of SF movies, when the Challenger had not blown up. They were read by all the Seishun Shitemasu Productions members, and some elements -- God's Teeth! -- even found their way into our parody anime productions. Certainly, I got my 99 cents worth.

This book is (C) 1980, 1981, 1982 Karl Tate, and Keith R. Holmes Publisher. The address given for the publisher is PO Box 801112, Dallas, TX 75380. The cartoons are reproduced here utterly without permission of any kind, mainly because I cannot find any location for either the artist or the publisher.

UPDATE circa 2003: Karl Tate has found us! He's a cool guy, working as an illustrator, and he's a Mac user and anime fan. Happily, he gave his permission to post these comics here.

A note about the scanning. I scanned these pages as-is, and all poor duplication is a result of the original source being light and/or poorly printed. Sorry if some of the funny jokes are hard to read. It was only a buck ^_^

So, without further delay, I present Real Life, by Karl Tate.