In a lot of ways, Japan is a "men's paradise" where males are able to enjoy certain benefits that would probably be hard to find in the States, even beyond receiving Valentine's Day chocolate from females on February 14. For example, sometimes when we're having a family argument about something, my wife will tell the kids, "Everyone stop arguing. Your father has spoken, and we'll all do what he says because his word is law in this house." I have to say, it's kind of nice: like living in the Father-knows-best 1950s, but with high speed Internet. But although I may be the daikoku-bashira or the "big black pillar" that holds up the family, I'm more than happy to follow the standard Japanese custom of allowing my wife to control the family finances, including managing our savings, planning for long-term goals, and so on. This is accepted as joshiki (common sense) in Japan, that women are better at managing money.
I've done this for so long, though, that I don't know if it sounds odd to people not living here. Is it really rare for the wife to handle the family's financial situation?
My wife is smarter than me, so I don't mind letting her handle our daily finances.
11 comments:
I don't think so. In the households of more than a few of the friends I had growing up the father was responsible for 'bringing home the bacon' while the mother...well usually it came down to keeping HIM from spending his entire check, to be perfectly honest. xD
I'm 25, so a little bit of that has changed, I'm sure (maybe not so much around here..) but I think when the option is available it's at least not UNcommon for the woman to be in charge of finances, even in cases such as a friend of mine who is presently unemployed while his girlfriend works as a prison guard (which I think is becoming more common.)
Ok, what is that bank thing in the picture - I think I need it. Do you sell it??
Interesting comments. My mother and father got divorced, so my mother did everything, investments, savings, retirement, and so on. I like investing so I do that as a hobby, but the important stuff I let my wife handle the important stuff here.
It's from a year or so ago, we had it but I think it's available anymore. Japan loves to do that, move things in and then yank them back. ^_^
I manage our money, and my Mom does too in her marriage. A lot of women I know are in charge of it, but I think that there isn't a norm here in the states. People do whatever they do best.
It's funny in Japan, how ads for investing and risky stuff features men playing tennis, i.e. they're selling their products to men, but ads for extremely safe bank ads etc. are are obviously aimed at women.
With my parents and several of my friends families it is the dad who controls the finances.
Lisa is more disciplined and detail oriented, so she pays most of the bills on a weekly & monthly basis. I prepare and send in the taxes, and I read the stuff coming in from the company that manages our retirement funds. We have separate IRAs and to some extent they're invested in different mutual funds & stuff, but we use the same financial advisor and meet with her at the same time.
I don't usually receive gifts for Valentines day (just a card), but I am expected to give some :-)
It's difficult to understand who wears the pants sometimes, but in my house, it could go either way. The Man of the House policy is actually universal I think. My mom still says my Dad's word is law, but she handles the bills and finances.
My father always did the accounting, literally, cuz he'd get down on weekends and write down every penny we spent over the week! Even though I'm under 30 I don't remember any of my high school friends having their parents divorced and most mums were housewives or had either part time jobs or jobs that allowed them to spend more time at home (although I confess that's not exactly the standard in a country were middle class families account for a small elite in the country).
In my case, my Japanese wife lets me control the finances (taxes, investments, everything). Though to humor her I do keep more or less Japanese-style records -- everyday I update our finance excel sheet, so we know exactly how each yen is spent. Actually, it's kind of addictive to keep such meticulous records. Anyway, not all Japanese women prefer to control the family finances. To me it's kind of ridiculous how out of touch with money some Japanese men are. There are literally tons of salary men who don't know how much anything costs because their wives do all the shopping. I've also seen Japanese salarymen rebel against the women-controlled finance thing by keeping secret bank accounts (joint bank accounts are not legally possible in Japan, so any account is just in one name). One guy I know has all his secret stash bank statements sent to the office. Everyone seems to know that his wife is a "oni yome."
Growing up, my dad always took care of the finances. But I do everything now that I'm engaged. Funny, since I'm a shop-a-holic. My fiance keeps my spending in check, but I make sure all the bills get paid first. So it's kinda a duel effort.
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