Friday, May 08, 2009

Japanese Females and Constipation

I've been fascinated with the women of Japan ever since I arrived here, and over the years I've managed to pick up a few bits of wisdom regarding this most interesting of animals, which I'll pass along to you if you like. First, Japanese females are extremely proper, always trying to do what is expected of them socially and always aware of hito no me, the "the eyes of others" watching them, one of the most important mechanisms for making Japanese society the way it is. They are frighteningly well-organized, and will make a promise to meet a friend two months in the future and somehow manage to actually be there without forgetting. Japanese females seem to be unable to resist popular trends, and once a new fashion catches on it will be everywhere overnight. Perhaps it's just my own experience, but I've known Japanese girls to be quite focused on marriage, and from a guy's perspective it can be unnerving when that particular subject comes up for discussion on a first date. While many Japanese females possess a Vulcan-like ability to hide their own emotions, others openly embrace Japan's unofficial religion of kawaii, and love to speak of themselves in the third person just like some characters do in anime. Because they eat rice three times a day, Japanese females are always constipated, but good luck trying to convince them to give up rice, the staple food of the country. Finally, if you ever need to buy shoes for a Japanese female but don't know their shoe size, go for 23.5 centimeters. For some reason, every Japanese girl I've ever known has had feet of that exact size.

I've yet to meet a Japanese female who isn't locked in a life-and-death struggle against constipation.